A Valentines Wish

Alas, it's another day of love and gushy feelings. Chocolate and romance. Cheesy love songs and candlelit dinners.

Or something like that.

I'm neither against nor exactly for Valentines Day. Though I think it can be a great day to tell those around you that you love them. I'm the type of person who loves creativity for those typical "Hallmark" holiday's as I believe some call them.

Nothing says I love you more than a homemade card, or chores taken care of, or a stolen moment to say--and mean--the word: I love you.

I really can't speak to married love, but Ann Voskamp does a beautiful job of it in a recent post: How Real People Make Shades of Real Love.

I share that with you because her words always have a way with my heart. No matter the fact that I'm a single woman, her stories of marriage and sacrificial love are beautiful to me.

I hope that today you remember what true love is. I'll leave you with my message on Instagram this morning beause I think it accurately sums up my feelings about Valentines Day:

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Love. 
Today is kind of about that, though I think there are a lot of people who have the wrong idea of what love is. They hold romantic love high above all things as if it were the highest good. The ultimate. But I'd put forth a different kind of love.
A love that is patient and kind.
A love that extends grace.
A love that sacrifices.
A love that is perfect. 
 
I may be single this Valentines day, but I have a love that is greater than anything I could find on this earth. Gods love. And for that, I celebrate!❤️
 

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 

1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭9-10‬

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Don't forget to enter these GIVEAWAYS...

Cathy Elliott's A Vase of Mistaken Identity

Jessica Keller's The Fireman's Secret

Nancy Mehl's Deadly Echoes

The Power of Laughter by Ane Mulligan

I'm excited to introduce you dear readers to the amazing [and hilarious] Ane Mulligan! I've had the pleasure of chatting with her several times at the ACFW conferences and she's truly an amazing woman! I know this post, and her book, will bring you a smile. 

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I love to laugh. Even more, I love to make other people laugh. The Bible tells us a merry heart is good medicine, Prov 17:22. And a merry heart comes from laughing.

Hubs and I just celebrated our 44th wedding anniversary. I'm not sure how that happened, since I'm only 35. Hubs is a Brit, long on dry humor and short on romance. But it's the laughter—not the romance—that I remember when I look back of all these years.

Besides, laughing and smiling use fewer muscles than frowning. Laugh lines are softer than frown lines.

From HelpGuid.org:

Humor is infectious. The sound of roaring laughter is far more contagious than any cough, sniffle, or sneeze. When laughter is shared, it binds people together and increases happiness and intimacy. Laughter also triggers healthy physical changes in the body.

The Mayo Clinic tells us:

When it comes to relieving stress, more giggles and guffaws are just what the doctor ordered.

So, for the sake of your readers' health, I'm offering the Gift of Laughter as the perfect Valentine's Day gift!

Chapel Springs Revival

With a friend like Claire, you'll need a gurney, a mop, and a guardian angel.

Everybody in the small town of Chapel Springs, Georgia, knows best friends Claire and Patsy. It's impossible not to, what with Claire's zany antics and Patsy's self-appointed mission to keep her friend out of trouble. And trouble abounds. Chapel Springs has grown dilapidated and the tourist trade has slackened. With their livelihoods threatened, they join forces to revitalize the town. No one could have guessed the real issue needing restoration is their marriages. Claire and Patsy embark on a mission of mishaps and miscommunication, determined to restore warmth to Chapel Springs —and their lives.

#3 in Debut Christian Fiction in 2014 on Goodreads Listopia, readers report:

• Claire and Patsy make you laugh out loud at them.

• Looking for a down-home, fun-loving, sometimes slapstick hilarious read? Go ahead and visit Chapel Springs.

• Real life drama, hurt, pains and disappointment combined with laugh-out-loud humor made me lose myself in the pleasure of its pages.

• Southern Serving of Belly Laughs!! I love books that make me break out in deep belly laughs every few minutes.

• Get your giggle-box oiled up and ready to rumble, 'cause Chapel Springs Revival is going to put it to good use.

See? You really can give the gift of laughter to someone this Valentine's Day!

Run over to Amazon and purchase: Chapel Springs Revival
{p.s. The kindle edition is only $0.99 right now!!!}

While a large, floppy straw hat is her favorite, bestselling novelist Ane Mulligan has worn many: hairdresser, legislative affairs director (that's a fancy name for a lobbyist), drama director, playwright, humor columnist, and novelist. Her lifetime experience provides a plethora of fodder for her Southern-fried fiction. She firmly believes coffee and chocolate are two of the four major food groups. President of the award-winning literary site, Novel Rocket, Ane resides in Suwanee, GA, with her artist husband, her chef son, and two dogs of Biblical proportion. You can find Ane on her Southern-fried Fiction website, Google+, Facebook, Goodreads, Twitter, and Pinterest.

Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues (part 3)

His & Her's

I'm completely blown away at the response I am getting on this impulsive and fun little mini-series about Valentines Day! I have had the chance to exchange ideas with several young, single women about it and to hear what is on their hearts... well, it's seriously amazing and so encouraging! It's also helped me to shape this last post into something that I hope we can all take to heart - whether single, dating, or married! 

If you missed them, click {here} for Part 1 and {here} for Part 2 of this series!

#3 True Contentment

I think one of the biggest reasons that Valentines Day is so difficult for singles is that it points out something you think you should have - whether that be a relationship or a husband.

In other words, it points out a big reason to be discontent. 

That's not to say that everyone reacts to Valentines Day like that, but I think it can be a bigger struggle than many let on.  In my own experience, I've flip flopped back and forth.  One year I was extremely happy that I didn't have a Valentine because, really - who needs that distraction.  Then the next, I thought to my sappy-self, for just once I'd like to get flowers and chocolate (lots of chocolate) from someone special on Valentines Day.  Then, of course, the next year it was all about having fun on S.A.D. (that is, Singles Awareness Day).  Yep, my girlfriends and I went out to dinner and had fun just being us!  Single and free!  And yet I still came home to think... if only I had had a date with a man tonight.

I actually laugh now thinking about my thoughts from Valentines Days in the past.  This is not to say I've got it all figured out, but looking back I see what the major problem was.  My feelings were taking their cue from my circumstances and my expectations.  I marveled at the injustice in the world because I  didn't have a boyfriend and I wondered why I wasn't married yet.  My focus was off.  Way off. 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.Philippians 4:11-13

Look what Paul says, "...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."  Wow!  Now, we have to remember that at this point Paul was in prison writing this letter to the church at Philippi to not only encourage them but to call them to boldly proclaim the name of Christ and live together in unity (Phil. 1:27-30).  His reference of learning to be content wasn't merely talking about his current circumstance (or even his singleness - though I think in a small way that could apply) but it was referring to the fact that whether he was in prison or not, whether he was among friends and believers or not, or even whether things were going well or going very badly - he had learned to be content in all of it.

Bringing this back to Valentines Day, I have to ask myself - am I content?  I'm not asking if I'm happy or satisfied in my circumstances, I think those are very different questions.  I'm asking whether or not I'm content in Christ because ultimately, even if I'm currently content in my singleness but that isn't founded in Christ, then that will slip away too. 

Our hearts are so tricky... especially as women, but just being human in general, it's really difficult to love God before all else. Things slip in and we attach our hearts to them.  We care for our friends, we enjoy our job, we want our "me" time... the list goes on.  None of these things are inherently bad, but when they become the sole focus of our heart, they take the place of God.  They become idols and they let us down every time, driving us further and further away from true contentment.

So what is true contentment? 
 
I believe a great definition of true contentment is to, “...love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matt. 22:37).  It's the greatest commandment according to Jesus, and it also puts everything else into perspective.  If I'm loving God with all that I am, how could I love something else (greater than I love Him, that is).  Plus, in the following verse Jesus says that the next greatest commandment is to, "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matt. 22:39).  I think the order of these is extremely important and gives us a direct path to follow toward true contentment in Christ. 

To be truly content in singleness, we must first be truly content in who we are in Christ.  That means He is our everything.  We are defined by Him.  In order to do that, we have to spend time in His word to get to know Him, we need to be in constant conversation with Him, and we should be modeling our lives after His (practically outlined for us in the gospels).  Secondly, we must love others.  We are defined by love (see part 1 of this series).  

I chose the picture for this last part because it reminds me of an old married couple (yes, I'm aware that it's just chairs).  At first, when I thought of this picture (especially in conjunction with Valentines Day) it made me a little sad.  I desire marriage (and no, this is not a bad desire).  In my heart I know that it is a beautiful blessing from the Lord and I want to experience that as well as the refinement that comes from marriage.  But, the longer I thought about this the more I realized that my overriding joy and satisfaction in Christ is enough.  No, it's more than enough!  

I won't lie and say it's been easy - in fact, it has been a long and difficult road to this point (and I'm still going), but I will say that I know a peace that I could not have found in anything else other than Christ.  That peace and satisfaction is complete, lacking in nothing, and only possible in Him.  Even if I do get married some day I will never find that kind of joy in a man - ever!  I will forever need to be setting Christ before me and seeking out true contentment in Him.

Today, on Valentines Day, I can say that my response is not one of disappointment because I won't be getting flowers from a man, it's one of joy because I am whole in Christ and truly content!  I pray that the Lord will continue to shape my heart into what He wants it to be, to show me to love the way He loves, and to cherish this season in my life for what it is - a blessing. 

Happy Valentines Day!

A gift of flowers from the Lord this morning :)

Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues (part 2)

E.A. Creative Photography

Welcome back!  If you missed part 1 of my Valentines Day Blues lessons, check it out {here}.  If not, please... do continue :)

# 2... Successful Singleness

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines success as:

a : degree or measure of succeeding

b : favorable or desired outcome

Don't you love it when the dictionary uses a form of the word to define the word (heavy sarcasm here)?  

The definition of success is pretty straight forward and I think we could probably come up with many examples of people who have succeeded in many different areas.  A few that come to mind are Steve Jobs and Apple, Billy Graham and evangelism, or Bill Gates and...well, money (among other things).  Their success is well known pretty much across the board.  I don't think that success has to be broadcast for it to be success though. 

So, what is successful singleness, then?  In my humble opinion this question can be answered with (or maybe through) another question:

If you're single, what do you do? 

Now, I'm not asking what your job is.  I'm not asking what your hobbies are, either.  I'm not even asking what you like to do for fun.  What I am asking is, what is your life about? How you answer that question tells a lot about what you hold valuable and what you'll sacrifice for.

Think about it for a second - as a single person you answer to no one but yourself.  You make your time schedule, you spend your money how you like, and you have a certain type of freedom that's unique to only single people. When you think of it that way, you can see that being single is a huge blessing, but also a huge responsibility. There is a large area of leeway because you're technically not answering to anyone. Then how do you "succeed" in singleness?

 

I believe you can succeed in your singleness by not making it about YOU.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 
[Philippians 2:3-4]

These verses have impacted me so much recently.  As I have thought through the implications of them not only in a church perspective but as a personal directive to me, I've realized that the success of my singleness hinges on what I make my life about. Or maybe I should say who I make my life about.
>I'd wager this is the case for all, not just singles ;)

 

Some practical things for us singles...

 

Time.  We have it.  No - don't go trying to tell me you're busy with this, that, and the other.  Despite the busyness in life that we singles face, we still have time to devote to other things.  I think if we were to be 100% honest with our time allotments, we'd find we spend more of it on ourselves than we'd like to admit (I'm lumping myself right on in there too!).  So the real question becomes, how do we spend our time?  

 

Finances.  Whether or not we are working full-time or trying to make ends meet working several jobs, we still need to be a blessing with our finances as well.  In fact, I'd say now is the best time to learn to be generous because habits that are formed now can be established and can grow as we grow in the Lord and in age. 

 

 Focus.  What are we focused on?  Is this time of singleness a time we use to do what we want, or are we using it for growth?  Do we open up our lives to those who are older and wiser so that they can speak into our lives?  Are we seeking to establish good habits with the Lord now - or are we believing the lie that "once were married" we'll suddenly wake up early, study the Bible for an hour before work, pray all the time, and learn to serve in the church? (And no, that won't actually happen...)

These are just a few areas where we can assess our success as singles but there are many more.  The last point about focus hits closest to home for me.  I want to make sure that I'm not placing my hope or expectations on or in anything other than Christ. 

 

As Valentines Day approaches, take time to check out the success of your singleness.  It's not about doing a lot of things, but it is about being purposeful.  It's time for us to stop using our singleness as an excuse to do what we want, but to instead use it as a means to accomplish what the Lord wants for our lives.  I'm excited to be reminded of this myself, and to ask the Holy Spirit to enable me to better serve in this extra freedom I have. 

____________________________________

 

 

 

For you ladies out there, Elizabeth Elliot has written some fantastic books for women dealing with singleness and life in general.  To me, she is the epitome of a woman who's focus is on the Lord, no matter the circumstances.  If you don't know her story, you should look into it! Two of my favorite books from here are Let Me Be A Woman and The Path of Loneliness. 

Nike Chillemi {Writer Wednesday}

I'm excited to introduce you to Nike Chillemi!  Thought currently she is extremely busy, she was a doll and still agreed to an interview with me :)  I know you'll enjoy her answers as much as I have.

About Nike...

Like so many other writers, Nike Chillemi started writing at a very young age. She still has the Crayola, fully illustrated book she penned (penciled might be more accurate) as a little girl about her then off-the-chart love of horses. Today, you might call her a crime fictionista. Her passion is crime fiction. She likes her bad guys really bad and her good guys smarter and better.

She is the founding board member of the Grace Awards and its Chairman, a reader's choice awards for excellence in Christian fiction. She writes book reviews for The Christian Pulse online magazine. She was an Inspy Awards 2010 judge in the Suspense/Thriller/Mystery category and a judge in the 2011 and 2012 Carol Awards in the suspense, mystery, and romantic suspense categories. BURNING HEARTS is the first book in the crime wave that is sweeping the south shore of Long Island in The Sanctuary Point series, published by Desert Breeze. GOODBYE NOEL, the second book in the series released in December, 2011 won the Grace Award 2011 in the Mystery/Romantic Suspense/Thriller category. PERILOUS SHADOWS, the third in the series released in July, 2012. She is a member of American Christian Fiction Writers (ACFW) and the Edgy Christian Fiction Lovers (Ning). http://nikechillemi.wordpress.com/

How to connect with Nike...
Look through her blog
Like her on Facebook
See her work on Amazon
Check out her website

Author Interview | Nike Chillemi

You & Writing
Tell us a little bit about yourself: How did you start writing? What has kept you writing?
...I've been writing since I was a little girl. I penned (actually in Crayola) my book about horses and read it numerous times to my long suffering parents. I started writing seriously about six years ago when I submitted my first manuscript to an agent. The novel was awful I keep it around for laughs. I got involved in a few writing groups and several published authors took interest in me and they told me I had a unique voice for classical murder mystery...but I had to learn the art and craft of writing fiction. I have a lot of stories in me and I keep getting excited when I think up a new one. That keeps me writing. I've been called the "crime fictionista" because of my love for crime fiction. I read and write murder mysteries. I'm compulsive about them.

What was the hardest thing about publishing? The easiest?
...The hardest thing about the business of writing is the marketing. It has to be done or the books won't sell or be read. But it takes up a tremendous amount of time. If I'm not careful it can eclipse my writing and reading time. The easiest and most fun is thinking up new story lines and new characters. Or, fun story lines with old characters from a previous story.

Your Writing
Tell us a little bit about your book or what you’re working on currently? Why are you/did you write it?
...I have several irons in the fire right now. DARKEST HOUR is about to come out through Desert Breeze Publishing. The plot line is about a petite young widow and mother of a small child who is framed for murder by powerful people. The county medical examiner realizes she didn't pull the trigger because the killer was much taller. He then launches his own investigation to find the real killer and in the process falls in love with the heroine and her young son. I'm also self publishing a short story "Harmful Intent" about a Brooklyn (NYC) female private investigator who flies to see an old friend in Texas, learns her husband is also in the Lone Star State and that he has been murdered...and guess what? She's the prime suspect.

What is one take-away from your book that you hope readers identify with?
...A central theme of all of my novels is justice for the victim. My heroines and heroes are truly the good guys, though they do have flaws. In DARKEST HOUR there is also a theme that the little guy who is being pushed around can also prevail. There's the old saying when good people do nothing, evil prevails. Well my heroes and heroines do not believe in doing nothing. They roll up their sleeves and fight the good fight.

Writing
Where do you find inspiration for your story/characters? Are they based on real life or pure imagination or both?
...Generally speaking I make my characters up out of whole cloth. They just pop out of my imagination. But in BURNING HEARTS the heroine's mother, Mrs. Brogna, surprised me. When I was in edits, I realized for the first time that I'd recreated my paternal grandmother. Mrs. Brogna bakes a delectable apple strudel like my grandmother did. Mrs. Brogna horses around with her children and teases them, just like my grandmother liked to do. I can recall my grandmother swatting my father with her apron and the two of them would laugh up a storm.

You
Valentine's Day would you rather stay in (ie: home with a movie) or go out (ie: night on the town)? ...Neither. I recommend reading my novel BURNING HEARTS for Valentine's Day...or around that time. It's a wonderful murder mystery and also a story of young love. Readers have be captivated by the heroine, young and spunky Erica Brogna and the hero, World War II decorated hero and Harley Davidson rider Lorne Kincade.

Describe your ideal date
...I'm married, but my ideal date is going to a spa with my husband for a couple's massage. That is the most relaxing thing. We've done this about four times and each time it's just a wonderful experience.
                                             _______________________________________

Thank you so much Nike!  I know you're busy and I am so thankful that you would share your thoughts, experiences, and even Valentines Day recommendations with my readers and I. 

Make sure you head over to Amazon and check out Nike Chillemi's books - you won't regret it!

Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues (part 1)

Red hearts.  Chocolate.  Flowers.  Balloons. 

They are everywhere!

Have you noticed them?  I mean, how could you not see them?  They started appearing just slightly after Christmas (if not before) and their numbers have increased exponentially since then.

I do have to ask myself, as a single woman, what I'm supposed to do with this unconventional, seemly contrived "holiday"?  It's a valid question seeing as how I have no one with which to shower ridiculous gifts upon and no one to receive them from. 

I think a few things become clear when I start to think of this "holiday" (and yes, I refuse to allow it to be a real one without quotations).   I have decided to explore these things in a three part mini series called "Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues".  I don't want the name to fool you though, for I have no intention of wallowing in my singleness or focusing on a negative aspect of Valentines Day either ;)

Love

#1...LOVE

I've hear it said L is for the way you look....blah blah blah, but I think that's hardly the case!  Reflecting upon Valentines Day without hearing the word love is just not a do-able thing.  Of course, love is going to make its way on the scene.  I mean really, with all those cut-out paper hearts hanging around how could the L-word not be mentioned? So, to bring it back around to what I'm supposed to do with this "holiday", I feel compelled to reflect on love first.

You probably saw this coming...

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." 1 John 4:7-12 (emphasis mine)

This is one of my favorite passages about love in the Bible and I think it creates the perfect response to a day supposedly focused on love.  I may be single, but that doesn't mean I can't love!  In fact, if I'm reading this correctly, I'm called to love just like God loves us.  That is such a HUGE responsibility but also a HUGE blessing.

In this Valentines Day Blues lesson, my first takeaway is to remember that February 14 can be a day that I choose to love others.  When I see those candy hearts, when I watch other girls walking around with beautiful flowers, or even when I remember that I may not have someone here on earth to give me those things, my heavenly Father has already loved me more than any guy could.  He "sent his Son to be the propitiation for [my] sins" and I've got to say, I can't ask for more (or better) than that!

I challenge you single ladies (I hope you started singing the song in your head...) to not let yourselves get burned down with this day but instead take it as an opportunity to remember what true love is! 

For the rest of you - married or not - you can participate in this too!  We have an opportunity to be reminded all day (and on into the future) to love one another, to serve one another, and to remember the overwhelming love God has shown us in the sacrifice of His Son for us.  Now that is a definite reason to celebrate!