Real love drew me to write real romance. When I was a girl, the novels I read had dashing heroes who fell in love with the heroine at first sight, spouting poetic compliments.

Then I fell in love with my husband. I found him mildly annoying at first. It took us both a while to fall in love. He doesn’t give compliments, and the only poem he quotes is a limerick he wrote in junior high about dog poop (don’t ask). And I adore him.

So when I started writing, I was determined to portray real love in my stories. I wanted to portray love that would have women appreciate the men in their lives more deeply—not resent them. (tweet this)

Here are the three components of real love I like to portray in my novels:

Our Response When Bad Things Happen: The Umpqua Shooting

Bad things happen. Unfortunately, this is a reality in the world that we live in.

If you've followed the news recently I'm sure you heard about the shooting at the Umpqua Community College yesterday. It's heartbreaking. I find myself wondering how anyone could do what the shooter did. How could anyone take innocent lives?

Sitting here on a rainy day in Washington, D.C. I feel at a loss. Helpless and ineffective to convey adequate compassion to those affected by this man's heinous crimes. The wake of his destruction will affect more than those injured or killed, it will ripple out to family, friends, and the community.

It comes back to two things for me. The actions I can take. I can pray. And I can watch.

Prayer. It can sometimes feel inactive, but it is the best and most effective response. It suffices to calm me and remind me who is really in control. It also focuses my heart on the One who has the power and the might to bring wisdom into the situation, no matter how bleak it may look.

At times when things appear darkest, the light of the Lord shines the brightest.

Watching. This may sound odd, but hear me out. A line from one of the blog posts that's allegedly associated with the shooter caught my attention:

"People like him [talking about another recent shooter] have nothing left to live for, and the only thing left to do is lash out at a society that has abandoned them." (source)

Nothing excuses the shooters actions, but this statement gives us a window. When I read this, I think about the fact that the person who wrote it (shooter or not) needs the love of Christ. That's obvious, but what is also clear is the fact that they were seeking acceptance in a "society" that abandoned them. They were looking in the wrong place. What they thought would satisfy--fame, notoriety, recognition, acceptance from others--would only suffice to leave them empty again.

In the wake of this tragedy, and in light of the fact that there are others in the world who feel this way, I urge us to watch and to act. Aside from prayer, an action we can take is to love. To have our eyes seeking out those who feel abandoned--whether by society, their family, their friends, or their community--and to show them that the Love of Christ is more than able to transform their lives.

Let us remember to love. To love everyone. To love always. And to love well.

Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. - Romans 12:9-10

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. - 1 John 4:7

But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return, and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, for he is kind to the ungrateful and the evil. - Luke 6:35

Loving When the Going Gets Rough

 My heart is burdened today by the fact that we toss out the word love without truly understanding it. We limit what it looks like, what it can do, and what it should do.

I feel like the definition of love has been changed. It now solely means that a person must accept anything and everything regardless of what they may personally believe or feel convicted about. I'm not going to debate the major issue here because I don't think this is the platform for it, but I do want to shed some light on the idea of love and tolerance and what that really means and looks like.

Tolerance: The ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with (source).

What does it mean to tolerate something? I feel as if the definition is clear, but from what I've seen and observed there mere act of "tolerating" something you don't agree with is now not enough.

A slightly silly example:

If I'm out getting dessert with a group of close friends and I say that I tolerate ice cream but I love cookies, my friends will (rightly) infer that I will be getting cookies rather than ice cream. What crosses the line is when a friend steps up and says,"No, you must like ice cream." At that point we would have a conversation about how I don't want ice cream and prefer cookies as a dessert.

What really becomes the issue here is when that same friend cries out to the rest of our group of friends pointing their finger at me and saying, "Can you believe it? She doesn't like ice cream! How can she choose to not like ice cream? I say we kick her out of our group and tell everyone else about how unfair it is that she doesn't like ice cream."

That's ridiculous. And I know that it is an imperfect example, but there are elements of truth there. It is perfectly fine to disagree with someone about...well, anything. The issue becomes when your disagreement (or the fact that you hold to a certain belief system) becomes "hate" or your preference is no longer valid.

I want to express one thought that many have already brought to the table - I'll be white noise at this point - but it's the reality of what marriage is. I personally don't think marriage should ever have been the issue because it's a word. Right now, in lieu of the recent law passing, the definition of marriage is being rewritten.

I am someone who uses words for a living and I have to ask, can we do that? Better yet, can the government do that? Can they pick and choose what words they wish to redefine? If tomorrow I picked up a spoon and said, "This is no longer a spoon, it is a fork" you'd think I was crazy. You would also politely remind me that we already have forks and that I can't just go around making up my mind that something that is established should be changed.

What is marriage? It's a covenant between a man and a woman that is united by and under God. It is an example of Christ and the church.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.
- Ephesians 5:22-33

Ok, so things have changed. What is the response then? The response is one of love - but true, Gospel-centered love.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

I understand the desire to fight, bicker, or argue over what is right and wrong. Some could see this post as that, but it's not. In fact, it's my call for us to respond in love even when we are not given the some consideration. It's tempting to want to fight or to point out the disparity between what some are demanding and what is right, just, and fair.

This is our time to show Christ and what true love looks like. It isn't accepting sin, but it's also not condemning (that is God's role). It isn't angry fighting, but it's also not refraining from engaging (all of this covered in a loving response). It's also not the loss of hope, but a call to prayer (there is always hope in every situation because God can--and will--enter in to every area).

Pray for our nation. Respond in love.

True Love In a 50 Shades World

Oh no. Another 50 Shades of Grey blog post...

Well, not exactly. I haven't read it or seen the movie (and am not planning on it) but I do think it's worth a look (or blog post in this case) in light of my overall blog theme for the month of February: Love. Yes, I've talked about stuff like this before (here and here) but can we really talk about it enough?

I think we've forgotten what the definition of love is.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails...
-1 Corinthians 13:4-8

I don't know about you, but that's a pretty all-inclusive list.

There are some things I don't see...

• Pride
• Selfishness
• Bondage (in any form)
• Demanding
• Insulting
• Belittling 

I just want to remind us (myself included) that, in Christ, there is a better way. A more fulfilling way. 

Without His example of love and self-sacrifice (including everything listed from 1 Corinthians) we wouldn't have a picture of what true love is. 

You can try and describe it any way you want, but without a perfect example {Christ} you'll always find ways to compromise.

______________
A few days ago I had the opportunity to guest post on my friend Alexis' blog, Capturing the Idea. I'd love for you to stop by and read my "True Love Story" there >>> A Better Love Story.

A Valentines Wish

Alas, it's another day of love and gushy feelings. Chocolate and romance. Cheesy love songs and candlelit dinners.

Or something like that.

I'm neither against nor exactly for Valentines Day. Though I think it can be a great day to tell those around you that you love them. I'm the type of person who loves creativity for those typical "Hallmark" holiday's as I believe some call them.

Nothing says I love you more than a homemade card, or chores taken care of, or a stolen moment to say--and mean--the word: I love you.

I really can't speak to married love, but Ann Voskamp does a beautiful job of it in a recent post: How Real People Make Shades of Real Love.

I share that with you because her words always have a way with my heart. No matter the fact that I'm a single woman, her stories of marriage and sacrificial love are beautiful to me.

I hope that today you remember what true love is. I'll leave you with my message on Instagram this morning beause I think it accurately sums up my feelings about Valentines Day:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Love. 
Today is kind of about that, though I think there are a lot of people who have the wrong idea of what love is. They hold romantic love high above all things as if it were the highest good. The ultimate. But I'd put forth a different kind of love.
A love that is patient and kind.
A love that extends grace.
A love that sacrifices.
A love that is perfect. 
 
I may be single this Valentines day, but I have a love that is greater than anything I could find on this earth. Gods love. And for that, I celebrate!❤️
 

By this the love of God was manifested in us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world so that we might live through Him. In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. 

1 John‬ ‭4‬:‭9-10‬

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -  - - - - - - - - - - - 

Don't forget to enter these GIVEAWAYS...

Cathy Elliott's A Vase of Mistaken Identity

Jessica Keller's The Fireman's Secret

Nancy Mehl's Deadly Echoes

Jesus Is... (part 1) {Thinking Theology}

I thought about posting my response to the Strange Fire conference... But then, after reflection and prayer, I thought it would be more beneficial to call us to something rather than discourage us from something.

As Christians, what are we most concerned with? Being like Christ, or being like...something else? Maybe a favorite theologian or a well-formed ideal? In this short mini-series I just wanted to focus on who Jesus is.

He's loving. He's just. He's Lord. 

I know these things are really simple, but sometimes it's the simple things we forget. Of course, there is so much more to Christ than just these three things, but I just wanted to pick three to focus on.

Jesus Is...Loving

¹³ Now when Jesus heard this, he withdrew from there in a boat to a desolate place by himself. But when the crowds heard it, they followed him on foot from the towns. ¹⁴ When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. ¹⁵ Now when it was evening, the disciples came to him and said, “This is a desolate place, and the day is now over; send the crowds away to go into the villages and buy food for themselves.” ¹⁶ But Jesus said, “They need not go away; you give them something to eat.” ¹⁷ They said to him, “We have only five loaves here and two fish.” ¹⁸ And he said, “Bring them here to me.” ¹⁹ Then he ordered the crowds to sit down on the grass, and taking the five loaves and the two fish, he looked up to heaven and said a blessing. Then he broke the loaves and gave them to the disciples, and the disciples gave them to the crowds. ²⁰ And they all ate and were satisfied. And they took up twelve baskets full of the broken pieces left over. ²¹ And those who ate were about five thousand men, besides women and children.

Matthew 14:13-21

¹³ And they were bringing children to him that he might touch them, and the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ But when Jesus saw it, he was indignant and said to them, “Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. ¹⁵ Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” ¹⁶ And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them.

Mark 10:13-16

³⁵ And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. ³⁶ When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. ³⁷ Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; ³⁸ therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”

Matthew 9:35-38

These are just a few examples but wow...the compassion and love of Christ is amazing! I love this description of His compassion by Spurgeon: 

 
Jesus' reaction to his compassion:

• He spent time with the people (even when he didn't feel like it)
• He fed the hungry
• He healed the sick
• He gave comfort 
• He was gentle
• He told them the gospel 
• He prayed for them 

This isn't all-inclusive, but what a list.

Can we say that we respond to others like Christ did while He was here on earth?  

And then He encouraged us with these things:

³⁰ And you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ ³¹ The second is this: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no other commandment greater than these.” 

 Mark 10:30-31

 ¹³ Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends.

John 15:13

I hope that tonight, we can think through the love and compassion of Jesus and ask the Lord to help us to be marked by these things as well. I know that's my prayer.

>>Do you have other examples from the Bible about how Jesus is loving? What about things in your life that show His compassion? I'd love to hear from you in the comments below!

Thoughts on Downton Abbey

Unfortunately, our {Writer Wednesday} guest was unavailable for today's interview.  While thinking what I could share you with instead, the only thing that came to mind was Downton Abbey.  And, a quick word of advice? Make sure you're saying "Down-Ton" not "Down-Town" as I've heard a few people say... ;)

I will admit to being completely taken in and transfixed with the characters, plot, scenery, clothing, and era of it all.  To be completely English about it - it's brilliant!

First off, let me mention that I'm only on Season 2, about 3/4 of the way through so I'm not totally caught up to speed here, but what I've enjoyed thus far has been marvelous. I won't comment so much about specifics - don't really want to give it away - but just a few themes that have caused me to think. 

Sacrifice.

So many characters sacrifice so much for the sake of their station, their love, or even their own homeland.  It is so interesting to following the characters, both 'upstairs' and 'downstairs' and to see their different pursuits and ways that they must sacrifice - whether that be for good reasons or bad.  I often am amazed at the attitude of some of the servants - for some, it really is a passion as much as it is their livelihood.  Downton gives us the opportunity to see a house of this magnitude within context.  It's not so much about the divide between the lord and his/her servants but more of an ecosystem in and of itself.  Very interesting and quite entertaining.

Forbidden love.

This one is all over the place in this series! Whether it be a maid and an officer, a married man with an unmarried woman, or a love that spans classes in an "improper way" for that time - it's rampant at Downton.  Aside from blatant, unbliblical types of love, I have focused in on the "love that spans classes" as something wholly romantic and beautiful.  I'm sure at the time it was seen as an abomination, but to my writers imagination it's the fodder of great stories.  It has me wondering "what if" for future plots.

Then I tied this type of love to something even greater - God's love for us. It's kind of the same idea, isn't it?  Christ sacrificed Himself for us - His dignity, His standing, His life all because of love (John 3:16). I don't know about you, but that overwhelms me! I definitely see the potential for writing an allegory in the future.  It's been done, but why not just one more story that parallels God's love to us?

Well, it's back to my manuscript for now.  I've been working on rewrites for the last few days and can't wait to be ready to move to the next step!

Are you watching Downton?  If so, I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments below.  Who is your favorite character? 

Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues (part 3)

His & Her's

I'm completely blown away at the response I am getting on this impulsive and fun little mini-series about Valentines Day! I have had the chance to exchange ideas with several young, single women about it and to hear what is on their hearts... well, it's seriously amazing and so encouraging! It's also helped me to shape this last post into something that I hope we can all take to heart - whether single, dating, or married! 

If you missed them, click {here} for Part 1 and {here} for Part 2 of this series!

#3 True Contentment

I think one of the biggest reasons that Valentines Day is so difficult for singles is that it points out something you think you should have - whether that be a relationship or a husband.

In other words, it points out a big reason to be discontent. 

That's not to say that everyone reacts to Valentines Day like that, but I think it can be a bigger struggle than many let on.  In my own experience, I've flip flopped back and forth.  One year I was extremely happy that I didn't have a Valentine because, really - who needs that distraction.  Then the next, I thought to my sappy-self, for just once I'd like to get flowers and chocolate (lots of chocolate) from someone special on Valentines Day.  Then, of course, the next year it was all about having fun on S.A.D. (that is, Singles Awareness Day).  Yep, my girlfriends and I went out to dinner and had fun just being us!  Single and free!  And yet I still came home to think... if only I had had a date with a man tonight.

I actually laugh now thinking about my thoughts from Valentines Days in the past.  This is not to say I've got it all figured out, but looking back I see what the major problem was.  My feelings were taking their cue from my circumstances and my expectations.  I marveled at the injustice in the world because I  didn't have a boyfriend and I wondered why I wasn't married yet.  My focus was off.  Way off. 

Not that I am speaking of being in need, for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.  I know how to be brought low, and I know how to abound. In any and every circumstance, I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and need. I can do all things through him who strengthens me.Philippians 4:11-13

Look what Paul says, "...for I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content."  Wow!  Now, we have to remember that at this point Paul was in prison writing this letter to the church at Philippi to not only encourage them but to call them to boldly proclaim the name of Christ and live together in unity (Phil. 1:27-30).  His reference of learning to be content wasn't merely talking about his current circumstance (or even his singleness - though I think in a small way that could apply) but it was referring to the fact that whether he was in prison or not, whether he was among friends and believers or not, or even whether things were going well or going very badly - he had learned to be content in all of it.

Bringing this back to Valentines Day, I have to ask myself - am I content?  I'm not asking if I'm happy or satisfied in my circumstances, I think those are very different questions.  I'm asking whether or not I'm content in Christ because ultimately, even if I'm currently content in my singleness but that isn't founded in Christ, then that will slip away too. 

Our hearts are so tricky... especially as women, but just being human in general, it's really difficult to love God before all else. Things slip in and we attach our hearts to them.  We care for our friends, we enjoy our job, we want our "me" time... the list goes on.  None of these things are inherently bad, but when they become the sole focus of our heart, they take the place of God.  They become idols and they let us down every time, driving us further and further away from true contentment.

So what is true contentment? 
 
I believe a great definition of true contentment is to, “...love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" (Matt. 22:37).  It's the greatest commandment according to Jesus, and it also puts everything else into perspective.  If I'm loving God with all that I am, how could I love something else (greater than I love Him, that is).  Plus, in the following verse Jesus says that the next greatest commandment is to, "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matt. 22:39).  I think the order of these is extremely important and gives us a direct path to follow toward true contentment in Christ. 

To be truly content in singleness, we must first be truly content in who we are in Christ.  That means He is our everything.  We are defined by Him.  In order to do that, we have to spend time in His word to get to know Him, we need to be in constant conversation with Him, and we should be modeling our lives after His (practically outlined for us in the gospels).  Secondly, we must love others.  We are defined by love (see part 1 of this series).  

I chose the picture for this last part because it reminds me of an old married couple (yes, I'm aware that it's just chairs).  At first, when I thought of this picture (especially in conjunction with Valentines Day) it made me a little sad.  I desire marriage (and no, this is not a bad desire).  In my heart I know that it is a beautiful blessing from the Lord and I want to experience that as well as the refinement that comes from marriage.  But, the longer I thought about this the more I realized that my overriding joy and satisfaction in Christ is enough.  No, it's more than enough!  

I won't lie and say it's been easy - in fact, it has been a long and difficult road to this point (and I'm still going), but I will say that I know a peace that I could not have found in anything else other than Christ.  That peace and satisfaction is complete, lacking in nothing, and only possible in Him.  Even if I do get married some day I will never find that kind of joy in a man - ever!  I will forever need to be setting Christ before me and seeking out true contentment in Him.

Today, on Valentines Day, I can say that my response is not one of disappointment because I won't be getting flowers from a man, it's one of joy because I am whole in Christ and truly content!  I pray that the Lord will continue to shape my heart into what He wants it to be, to show me to love the way He loves, and to cherish this season in my life for what it is - a blessing. 

Happy Valentines Day!

A gift of flowers from the Lord this morning :)

Marriage, Love, and the Power of the Holy Spirit

I've been doing a little reading recently and have come across two (very different) amazing articles that I thought I'd share with you, my dear readers.  I've also included my reflections on each article - I'd love to hear your what you think of them as well!

First, I came across this article:

Three Things I Wish I Knew Before We Got Married by Tyler Ward

E.A. Creative Photography

I'm not married (as evidence by my Valentines Day Blues post) but I do enjoy reading about what others think/recommend/advise about it.  I look at it like this: if I get married I'll be aware & prepared, if I don't - oh well!  I blogged about the book Altared by Claire and Eli which had such a fresh and inspiring perspective on love, marriage, and singleness.  If you haven't read it yet (the book, that is) YOU SHOULD!! 

But, back to the article... I appreciated Ward's points.  I think the first one is my "favorite".  One of the things I've heard from my various married friends is that marriage is not a fairy tale.  In my naive, single-person perspective I'd like to think it's possible to have a "happy ever after" ending...forever.  In reality, it really is two sinners coming together and living under the same roof.  To me, that does sound like a recipe for disaster. 

I think the only way that marriage can work and not end in divorce is to put Christ at the center.  That's where, with Ward's second point, I have to disagree - maybe just a little?  I mean, I get where he's coming from and what he's trying to say - put your spouse first because your selfishness is what is getting in the way.  I see evidence of my own selfishness just within the context of living with a roommate!  It's so easy to put me first and ignore Jenn or what is best for her.  When I put me aside and focus on what is best for her, my attitude becomes one of service and not selfishness. 

However, I do think the only way that anyone can "fix" this selfishness problem is by putting God first - that is, having Christ at the center of any relationship, whether marriage, friendship, or roommate-ship (yes, I just made up a word).  I wont sit here and say I know how to do this well, but it is definitely something I want to strive toward now and (maybe) in marriage.  I'm sure Ward was not insinuating that married couples should put one another before the Lord, but I just wanted to make that little statement anyway.

Second, this article:

My Train Wreck Conversion by Rosaria Champagne Butterfield

I love the tagline of this article from Christianity Today: "As a leftist lesbian professor, I despised Christians. Then I somehow became one."

I happened upon this article from a friends post on Facebook and all I could see was the tagline, but I knew I had to read it.  It's definitely a controversial topic, but worth the read.  The article is so well written and comes from such an educated perspective! 

1 John chapter 4 = understanding of love

I had two favorite parts: One was the response to her own article that made Butterfield take pause - the pastor who's letter she read and tried to throw away but couldn't.  He gives us such a fantastic testimony to all Christians as to the way in which we can speak truth in love.  Truth is a sword but when it's used like an ax we end up hacking peoples emotions (whether spiritual or intellectual) to bits.  Instead, when used through the power of the Holy Spirit, it can be a truly beautiful thing.   It can be done in love!

The second thing that stood out to me was the incredibly powerful nature of the Holy Spirit and His work in the hearts and lives surrounding this story.  I mean - talk about amazing! Here was a woman living a lifestyle of sin, actively perusing her flesh, and what did God do?  He placed people and situations in her life to woo her to Himself.  That makes me want to cry in wonder and shiver in awe all at the same time!  It's such a beautiful story of redemption through love that drives me to seek out ways in which I can respond in all situations with Christ's love - not on my own strength but through His.


These articles, though completely different in topics, are worth the read!  I'd love to hear what  your thoughts were on them!

Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues (part 1)

Red hearts.  Chocolate.  Flowers.  Balloons. 

They are everywhere!

Have you noticed them?  I mean, how could you not see them?  They started appearing just slightly after Christmas (if not before) and their numbers have increased exponentially since then.

I do have to ask myself, as a single woman, what I'm supposed to do with this unconventional, seemly contrived "holiday"?  It's a valid question seeing as how I have no one with which to shower ridiculous gifts upon and no one to receive them from. 

I think a few things become clear when I start to think of this "holiday" (and yes, I refuse to allow it to be a real one without quotations).   I have decided to explore these things in a three part mini series called "Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues".  I don't want the name to fool you though, for I have no intention of wallowing in my singleness or focusing on a negative aspect of Valentines Day either ;)

Love

#1...LOVE

I've hear it said L is for the way you look....blah blah blah, but I think that's hardly the case!  Reflecting upon Valentines Day without hearing the word love is just not a do-able thing.  Of course, love is going to make its way on the scene.  I mean really, with all those cut-out paper hearts hanging around how could the L-word not be mentioned? So, to bring it back around to what I'm supposed to do with this "holiday", I feel compelled to reflect on love first.

You probably saw this coming...

"Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." 1 John 4:7-12 (emphasis mine)

This is one of my favorite passages about love in the Bible and I think it creates the perfect response to a day supposedly focused on love.  I may be single, but that doesn't mean I can't love!  In fact, if I'm reading this correctly, I'm called to love just like God loves us.  That is such a HUGE responsibility but also a HUGE blessing.

In this Valentines Day Blues lesson, my first takeaway is to remember that February 14 can be a day that I choose to love others.  When I see those candy hearts, when I watch other girls walking around with beautiful flowers, or even when I remember that I may not have someone here on earth to give me those things, my heavenly Father has already loved me more than any guy could.  He "sent his Son to be the propitiation for [my] sins" and I've got to say, I can't ask for more (or better) than that!

I challenge you single ladies (I hope you started singing the song in your head...) to not let yourselves get burned down with this day but instead take it as an opportunity to remember what true love is! 

For the rest of you - married or not - you can participate in this too!  We have an opportunity to be reminded all day (and on into the future) to love one another, to serve one another, and to remember the overwhelming love God has shown us in the sacrifice of His Son for us.  Now that is a definite reason to celebrate!

you can't have one without the other

I've been thinking a lot about love.  Real love.  True love.  Not just the fuzzy, pink-haloed 'love' Hollywood portrays where you're falling in love with a man you just met a a grocery store or something, but rather a deeper, more genuine love.  Do we even know that that is?  What that looks like?  What the requirements are for this type of love? 

I think we have lost sight of true love and instead have replaced it with a vision it was never created to be.  Love has now become tolerance.  People will say, "I'm different, you have to love me" but really what they want is acceptance.  Sure, they call it love, but I don't think it's the same thing. 

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it's own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices in the truth bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.  Love never fails...
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a

Genuine love is so much deeper than what we think we want from others.  Sure, it can feel great to have another person say they love you but if they let you down (which, eventually they will) it cheapens their love.  The only type of love that a person can fully be satisfied with is love from God.  He is the only one who could ever fulfill everything listed in 1 Corinthians. 

So, as I thought about love, I also thought about justice.  I was listening to a Tim Keller sermon the other day and he was explaining about love and justice.  He said (much more eloquently than I) that God shows true love by being both loving and just, that you can't have one with out the other.  If God truly is a loving Father, then he couldn't allow sin to go unpunished because that would be unloving.  The wrong could never be righted.  The injustice would never be avenged. 

It struck me how simple and yet how complex it was.  So many people I've talked to say that God is not loving because He allowed some consequence in someones life or because there is injustice in the world, but that is far from the truth.  That view also overlooks quite a few things.  Who were the first to disobey God?  Adam and Eve.  What did they do?  They ushered in sin and with it consequence into the world.  What did God do?  He forgave them, clothed them, and made a way for them to continue to be forgiven (because He knew they would sin again).  He didn't forsake them. It was their own sin that caused them to face painful consequences.

God shows His love to us in so many ways.  The hardest to understand is that He is loving because He allows consequences.  Even more than that though, He is loving because, despite all of our sin and our rejection of Him, He still chose to save us.  He made a specific way for us.

We were selfish from the start, our pride desiring only what we wanted.
Jesus, in his unselfishness, went to the cross for us.

Our unrighteousness deserved (and still does) death. 
Christ, in His righteousness, covered us by the blood He freely shed on the cross for us, redeeming us from death into true life.

Therefore  we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life.  For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, knowing this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin. 
Romans 6:4-7

Praise God that He made a way for us to be saved!  Through His death we have life.  And life in Him means we have an ability to love because He first loved us (1 John 4:7-21). 

Going back to my first point about love, I am saddened that people have the wrong perspective of what love is.  They compare it to having people accept them just as they are, the good and the bad.  True love is so much more than this!  It's having someone see just who you are (sin and all), die for you, and then promise you the strength to change so you are no longer in the sin that was ensnaring you. 

As Easter approaches, now is the best time to think (or start thinking) about what this means.  "For he who has died is freed from sin" - if we have aligned ourselves with Christ, we have taken part in His sacrifice, died to sin, and are freed from sin.  Freed!  That mean's we don't have to sin and every time we do, we chose to do so.  How amazing to realize that Christ has purchased our freedom out of love.  Now that is true love.

moment creatures

"When You could just be silent and leave us here to die
Still, You sent Your Son for us
You were on our side"
-Bethany Dillon

Lately, these lyrics have been haunting me (in a good way).  Ever since I sang this song with my friend Desiree on Monday I've been thinking of the second half of the chorus.  It's such a heady thought to realize the Lord could have remained silent on our behalf.  He didn't have to save us.  There would be no judgement on Him for allowing His creation, which turned against Him, to perish.

I've been reading a book called Demon by Tosca Lee and, though fictional, I have found it eye-opening in a certain way.  The story of the fall, as well as creation, told from the perspective of a fallen angel (the demon) sheds light on the glory of God as well as His love for the "clay people" (humans).  God didn't give the option for the fallen angels to repent.  He didn't send His Son to them.  It's just such an interesting thought.  I've never considered the uniqueness of our situation as humans quite in this way before.

And yet, here we are, living as if the earth is ours with no consequences.  Seeing it solely for our own purposes and desires.  Running around like selfish children grasping at anything in our reach.  We seek fulfillment but are satisfied with the most weak, unfulfilling things that are sustained mere moments and then gone, vanishing in mid air.

On top of all this, we blame God for our forsaken situation and hurl insults in His direction saying, "If You are real!" or "How dare You do this to me?" because we are such moment creatures.  Feeling and sensation control us and compel us to seek our own good above all else.  Anything with an unsatisfactory outcome is suddenly proof of God's non-existence or His lack of love for us.

But do we even know the definition of true love?


"For God so loved the world, that He gave His only Son..."
John 3:16

"In this is love [true love], not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation [atonement] for our sins."
1 John 4:10

"God is love."
1 John 4:16b


God showed us a greater sacrifice of love than anyone or anything in this world has ever portrayed or ever will.  He has never asked us to repay Him.  He has never asked us to commit the same act either (as if we could).  And, He has never required us to be worthy of accepting Him.

We only need realize that "all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, being justified as a gift by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus."  Romans 3:23-24

With the death of His Son, He not only showed us what true love is and does, He made a promise.  He said that with belief in Him, we would always have His love and forgiveness; His grace.  No constraints.  No clauses.  No requirements other than to set up a lifestyle of love for Him and, in turn, for others.

Now that is true love.

thoughts on love

I've been thinking about love recently. It's a tricky thing, isn't it? I think it's safe for me to assume that the majority of humans desire love. Whether it be love from parents, friends, a spouse, children, or even animals - we love love!

But why?

There are a lot of things we think will satisfy us and make us happy. Sometimes that takes the form of money - if I just get xxx amount, I'll be happy. Sometimes it's things - if I just get xxx thing, I'll be happy. But, more often than not, I think we actually convince ourselves that if we just 'get' love, we'll be happy. It makes me think of a song on a live John Mayer album I have. It's in the middle of a song and he starts talking about life and his 'philosophy' on things and he says, "I've messed with all the approaches but one and it's gonna sound really corny but that's just love...I've done everything in my life that I wanna do except just give and feel love for my living." He goes on to describe the love he's not talking about by saying its not a "roman candle firework hollywood hot pink love" but instead he's talking about a "I got your back" kind of love.

Sure, that sounds great! Let's all give and get that kind of love...

But wait - how do you do that?!

This is the crux of the matter. We dont know what real love is! You could ask fifty different people and get fifty different answers based on what each person feels is the most loving thing. A mother of five might say the most loving thing is when her husband gives her a night out with her friends whereas a herion addict might say the most loving thing is her boyfriend giving her a needle. Obviously, these are two drastically different ideas but both portray the fact that we dont know what love is because we're basing it on the wrong things.

The Bible says "God is love" (1 John 4:8b). Wow! So, God is love but what does that mean? It goes on in that same chapter to say, "In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins." Propitiation basically means an atonement/making amendes/restitution for the sin that we have all committed.

That thought should completely blow our minds.

This love - the true love - of God is so big, so wonderful, so infinite, so powerful, that when a sacrifice was demanded, God made the conscious decision to sacrifice His own Son - not someone else's son. He had originally (in the Old Testament) set up a way that sins were atoned for (through sacrifice Gen 3 & 4) and, rather than change that principle, he followed His own rules and sent Christ to be the perfect sacrifice to shed blood on our behalf, freely giving us a way to come to God. God loved His Son. Jesus wasn't some pawn that God used to fix everything because it was easy. No, Jesus was God - in a way that our minds can't completely understand - and He laid down His life for us willingly because it was the only way. "By this [Christ's sacrifice], love is perfected with us, so that we may have confidence in the day of judgement..." (1 John 4:17a).

Back to my first point. Everyone loves love. Why? Because God is love and even when we are lost and dont believe in Him, He created us in His image and therefore we have within or very being a desire for love which, in essence, is a desire for God. We'll keep searching for the perfect love until we realize that it is only within God that we can truly find satisfaction. Only God can show us and give us genuine, lasting love.