Lessons from the Valentines Day Blues (part 2)

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Welcome back!  If you missed part 1 of my Valentines Day Blues lessons, check it out {here}.  If not, please... do continue :)

# 2... Successful Singleness

The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines success as:

a : degree or measure of succeeding

b : favorable or desired outcome

Don't you love it when the dictionary uses a form of the word to define the word (heavy sarcasm here)?  

The definition of success is pretty straight forward and I think we could probably come up with many examples of people who have succeeded in many different areas.  A few that come to mind are Steve Jobs and Apple, Billy Graham and evangelism, or Bill Gates and...well, money (among other things).  Their success is well known pretty much across the board.  I don't think that success has to be broadcast for it to be success though. 

So, what is successful singleness, then?  In my humble opinion this question can be answered with (or maybe through) another question:

If you're single, what do you do? 

Now, I'm not asking what your job is.  I'm not asking what your hobbies are, either.  I'm not even asking what you like to do for fun.  What I am asking is, what is your life about? How you answer that question tells a lot about what you hold valuable and what you'll sacrifice for.

Think about it for a second - as a single person you answer to no one but yourself.  You make your time schedule, you spend your money how you like, and you have a certain type of freedom that's unique to only single people. When you think of it that way, you can see that being single is a huge blessing, but also a huge responsibility. There is a large area of leeway because you're technically not answering to anyone. Then how do you "succeed" in singleness?

 

I believe you can succeed in your singleness by not making it about YOU.

Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. 
[Philippians 2:3-4]

These verses have impacted me so much recently.  As I have thought through the implications of them not only in a church perspective but as a personal directive to me, I've realized that the success of my singleness hinges on what I make my life about. Or maybe I should say who I make my life about.
>I'd wager this is the case for all, not just singles ;)

 

Some practical things for us singles...

 

Time.  We have it.  No - don't go trying to tell me you're busy with this, that, and the other.  Despite the busyness in life that we singles face, we still have time to devote to other things.  I think if we were to be 100% honest with our time allotments, we'd find we spend more of it on ourselves than we'd like to admit (I'm lumping myself right on in there too!).  So the real question becomes, how do we spend our time?  

 

Finances.  Whether or not we are working full-time or trying to make ends meet working several jobs, we still need to be a blessing with our finances as well.  In fact, I'd say now is the best time to learn to be generous because habits that are formed now can be established and can grow as we grow in the Lord and in age. 

 

 Focus.  What are we focused on?  Is this time of singleness a time we use to do what we want, or are we using it for growth?  Do we open up our lives to those who are older and wiser so that they can speak into our lives?  Are we seeking to establish good habits with the Lord now - or are we believing the lie that "once were married" we'll suddenly wake up early, study the Bible for an hour before work, pray all the time, and learn to serve in the church? (And no, that won't actually happen...)

These are just a few areas where we can assess our success as singles but there are many more.  The last point about focus hits closest to home for me.  I want to make sure that I'm not placing my hope or expectations on or in anything other than Christ. 

 

As Valentines Day approaches, take time to check out the success of your singleness.  It's not about doing a lot of things, but it is about being purposeful.  It's time for us to stop using our singleness as an excuse to do what we want, but to instead use it as a means to accomplish what the Lord wants for our lives.  I'm excited to be reminded of this myself, and to ask the Holy Spirit to enable me to better serve in this extra freedom I have. 

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For you ladies out there, Elizabeth Elliot has written some fantastic books for women dealing with singleness and life in general.  To me, she is the epitome of a woman who's focus is on the Lord, no matter the circumstances.  If you don't know her story, you should look into it! Two of my favorite books from here are Let Me Be A Woman and The Path of Loneliness. 

"pour yourself out"

To me, Elizabeth Elliot is one of the most incredible women! She has lived through singleness, marriage, death, being a widow and single mother, marriage again, death again, being a widow again, and then marriage one last time. Add to these credentials the fact that she has written numerous books that encourage and strengthen women from a Christ-focused perspective, and you have a winning and quite formidable combination. She is an amazing woman.

Currently, I'm reading "Let Me Be A Woman" which is a book that she wrote to her daughter a few months before she was married. It's not just focused on those about to be married but on women as a whole. I've read it before and I'm finding more and more gems within it this time as well. In a chapter I recently read she explained that single women have found full and filling lives from the simple truth of learning to "pour yourself out". I want that. What better thing than to be about the work of God?

I think this has to be taken into careful consideration though. I mean, a single woman could become so focused and so busy that she could become overwhelmed or that she could find herself as self-sufficient when the Lord would not desire that for her. I don't want that to be the case, of course, but I do want to be so focused on the Lord that He is what is filling me. I desire for His purpose to be my purpose. For His love to be what I show to others.

Within the context of all of this, another book that I'm reading entitled "Becoming God's True Woman" is also helping me to see that, no matter where I am or may be in my life (single, married, widowed) I am to seek after what God calls me to be as a woman. I think of 1 Peter 3:3-4 that says, "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." I desire for the Lord to cultivate a gentle and quiet spirit within me now. I don't want to wait for some appointed time or marriage or anything but instead be about His work NOW. As Elizabeth also says, singleness is a gift (and she reminds us that we do not choose our gifts) and that while you are gifted in that way, you must use the gift and exercise it to the best of your ability until God sees fit to change your situation (and gifting).

I may become weary at times and I may have a lot on my plate, but I wouldn't give any of it up for a more comfortable existence filled with a lot of free time and no direction or purpose. I know that God will give me strength to make it through and that is what matters.

Make sure that, in whatever situation you are in, you are learning to "pour yourself out".