Wednesday, April 18, 2012

so i'm not superwoman?

I'll admit to being busy.  Too busy.  I'm looking at my life and thinking, "Ok, what to cut?". 

I think I have a hard time answering that question because, if I find myself with free time, I somehow feel guilty.  I automatically think that I could be using that free time to serve someone or to volunteer for something or to be doing something.  So what do I do?  I say yes.  Yes, yes, YES!  All the time.  I am beginning to think that "no" isn't even in my vocabulary.  Then what happens?  I become tired, overworked, and under-fortified with spiritual strength because suddenly all that I said yes to has stolen my time and captured my interest, holding it hostage until I say yes to the next thing.

I'm not silly enough to think that those asking for my time are the culprits here.  Unfortunately, I'm the one to blame :(  I'm the one that allows myself to say yes.  I'm the one who volunteers, raises a hand, feels compelled to help.  It's not a bad trait, to want to help, but it is bad when my attention is no longer first and foremost on the Thing that it should be. 

Once again I'm at a crossroads.  Do I continue on, spiraling out of control into the hectic-ness that is my life?  Or do I opt for change?  Do I ask God where He'd like to prune back my schedule?  I want to choose to accept His decision as the best for me and then, instead of wallowing in my new found free time, use my time more wisely!  To experience true rest in Him.  To breathe easy out of a life that is simplified. 

I guess I'm not superwoman, huh?  Could have fooled me with the way I've been going.

Lord, please give me guidance.  Show me where to cut back, where to be diligent, and where to stick it out.