Things change. I feel like that has been the mantra of my life as of late. Things I'd planned on, hopes I'd had, ideas that seemed to be part of the future were close to my grasp...and then a shift, a turn, a change. I'd like to say that I'm good with such changes--that I embrace them with fervor and turn my smiling face to the next, new thing--but I'm not. I may not be horrible with them either, but I wouldn't classify myself as a "go with the flow" person all of the time. I'm more of a "the flow has changed? let's make a new plan" type.
That's why, when I looked at the reality of accomplishing NaNoWriMo a few days ago and saw that it would mean writing 6,667 words a day (on top of my 3,500 words I have to write for my freelance work and running my Etsy shop) I knew it wasn't possible.
This breaks my heart. I had so looked forward to my NaNo novel and really getting a jumpstart on it. I challenged myself to make a grand comeback this year as my 9th year. After a hiatus last year I thought, This is the year! But that wasn't to be.
You see, I have this thing with expectations. I'm terrible about them. I start to formulate the future, planning for things that should never be counted on due to the volatile nature of life, and then, when they crumble, I'm left feeling like a failure. It's not hard to do when you are trying so hard to be perfect...yet another flaw of mine.
But, in life as in NaNo, I can't be perfect. I can't live the perfect life, I can't write the perfect story, I can only follow the Perfect One. Despite all of the changes, disappointments, surprises, and confusion recently, there is one constant in my life. Christ. He beckons me to Himself telling me that it's alright to let go. To unclench my fisted hands and give up the notion that I can maneuver the rocky trails of my life on my own. Whether that be with relationships or writing, I can only plan on One thing: His faithfulness.I've failed National Novel Writing Month, but I haven't failed Him. I'm 30,000 words into a Sci-fi novel I'm really enjoying. I'm home with my family for the holiday season. I'm on the path that He has set before me. Sometimes I feel like I'm walking blind, but that's the time to cling more tightly to Him and to trust. So maybe this whole failure thing isn't that bad...
Did you participate in NaNoWriMo? How did you do? Will you finish by tomorrow?
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